JessamyLift courtesies
May 2nd 2008 13:09
Look, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a social Nazi- I'm creating rules left, right, and centre for every available social situation. However, I'm hoping that a few morons out there will actually read these entries and realise how much they're annoying other people.
So, kidlets, today we're focusing on lift courtesies. I realise there are different lift contexts-work, shopping centres, and apartments are the main three I could come up with. Seeing as my work involves scanning thousands of barcodes per hour, and my shopping occurs about as often as Britney should be allowed to reproduce, I picked apartment/home elevators.
Firstly, it's awkward if you're going up/down in an elevator when the building is higher than ten floors. That's usually going to take upwards of twenty seconds-the breeding ground for too many nervous smiles and glances towards the tightly shut doors. Make the most of the situation by just trying to not to appear like a captive animal-no aggressive button punching or leaping out of the half open doors.
If it's just you and another person, and you don't know them, at least say hi. Or try to. You live with them, make a half decent effort. If you're tired/cranky/PMS-ing/teen-ang sty, you're excused from this-but be warned, they'll share the awkward lift story with their housemates. At least say hi to the person, and say what floor you're on. That way, if you meet them again, you can just grin and relax into a silence-you've already introduced yourselves.
If it's you plus another couple, here are a few guidelines of when you can be rude. Firstly, when they start making out in the lift. This happened to me a few weeks ago- it was disgusting. They face sucked for a good five seconds, and all I could hear was the sound similar to that of an octopus' dying gasps-sloshy, sucking noises. So, I basically turned side on to them and stared at the door-perfectly acceptable. But if the couple seem open to conversation, again, say hi. Not much beyond that required, I'd say.
If you're the one in the couple situation, obey the above 'no lift maccing' policy. If the 'couple' is technically you plus a friend, I would say you're perfectly allowed to have a conversation in the lift-contrary to popular opinion. I say this because firstly, you're keeping yourselves entertained in a non-repulsive manner, and secondly, you're also entertaining the other lift patron/s. They can listen in legally, and speculate on exactly what you're discussing. There are pros for all parties involved-just, obviously, not every topic is allowed. No gross personal hygiene or STD discussions.
Finally, if you're stuck in the lift with people from other countries, who are having another conversation in their own language, go with it. There's little you can do about it-you basically just have to grin and hope they're not saying what a whore-munger you are. My trick here is to watch people's eyes-if they're talking about you, their eyes will naturally slide over to you once in awhile. Well, that's how it worked for us when we used to speak pig-latin.
If you get in a lift with someone you actually know, obviously you're obliged to greet them. Beyond that, though, I say it's open slather. If you don't like them and wish to make the ride awkward, then silence is your awesome weapon. Use it to your advantage-just lean against the wall and chill-don't stress. If you don't mind the person, feel free to chat at will. If you feel rude not talking, then here's my opinion-say hi, ask how they are, and then next time you're in the lift with them, wait and see if they'll ask you the same thing. If they genuinely don't hate you, they'll usually tend to ask. If they don't, let them enjoy the awkwardness.
I'm sure I'll have more close encounters of the elevator kind, and will keep you all informed.
So, kidlets, today we're focusing on lift courtesies. I realise there are different lift contexts-work, shopping centres, and apartments are the main three I could come up with. Seeing as my work involves scanning thousands of barcodes per hour, and my shopping occurs about as often as Britney should be allowed to reproduce, I picked apartment/home elevators.
Firstly, it's awkward if you're going up/down in an elevator when the building is higher than ten floors. That's usually going to take upwards of twenty seconds-the breeding ground for too many nervous smiles and glances towards the tightly shut doors. Make the most of the situation by just trying to not to appear like a captive animal-no aggressive button punching or leaping out of the half open doors.
If it's just you and another person, and you don't know them, at least say hi. Or try to. You live with them, make a half decent effort. If you're tired/cranky/PMS-ing/teen-ang sty, you're excused from this-but be warned, they'll share the awkward lift story with their housemates. At least say hi to the person, and say what floor you're on. That way, if you meet them again, you can just grin and relax into a silence-you've already introduced yourselves.
If it's you plus another couple, here are a few guidelines of when you can be rude. Firstly, when they start making out in the lift. This happened to me a few weeks ago- it was disgusting. They face sucked for a good five seconds, and all I could hear was the sound similar to that of an octopus' dying gasps-sloshy, sucking noises. So, I basically turned side on to them and stared at the door-perfectly acceptable. But if the couple seem open to conversation, again, say hi. Not much beyond that required, I'd say.
If you're the one in the couple situation, obey the above 'no lift maccing' policy. If the 'couple' is technically you plus a friend, I would say you're perfectly allowed to have a conversation in the lift-contrary to popular opinion. I say this because firstly, you're keeping yourselves entertained in a non-repulsive manner, and secondly, you're also entertaining the other lift patron/s. They can listen in legally, and speculate on exactly what you're discussing. There are pros for all parties involved-just, obviously, not every topic is allowed. No gross personal hygiene or STD discussions.
Finally, if you're stuck in the lift with people from other countries, who are having another conversation in their own language, go with it. There's little you can do about it-you basically just have to grin and hope they're not saying what a whore-munger you are. My trick here is to watch people's eyes-if they're talking about you, their eyes will naturally slide over to you once in awhile. Well, that's how it worked for us when we used to speak pig-latin.
If you get in a lift with someone you actually know, obviously you're obliged to greet them. Beyond that, though, I say it's open slather. If you don't like them and wish to make the ride awkward, then silence is your awesome weapon. Use it to your advantage-just lean against the wall and chill-don't stress. If you don't mind the person, feel free to chat at will. If you feel rude not talking, then here's my opinion-say hi, ask how they are, and then next time you're in the lift with them, wait and see if they'll ask you the same thing. If they genuinely don't hate you, they'll usually tend to ask. If they don't, let them enjoy the awkwardness.
I'm sure I'll have more close encounters of the elevator kind, and will keep you all informed.
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