JessamyFacebook and Myspace profile pages
April 10th 2008 05:59
Look, my judgemental streak hasn't really done me many favours in the past-however, since the introduction of MySpace and Facebook, I've been escalated to the dizzying heights of assessing people based purely on their profile pages. Now look, I'm sure I'm not the only one. However, I maintain that if you have any of the following things on said profile page, you should be struck down by the Internet Gods:
-Anything sparkly, pink, fluro or flashing. Funnily enough, I don't enjoy having my eyes burned out every time I want to view your page. And also, you're not interesting enough that I will continue to do so, over and over and over and over again. No one is that interesting. The only things that these bright, obnoxious colours say about you is that you are an attention seeking whore. I wouldn't talk to you in public if you were wearing said colours, why would I put myself through the pain over the Internet?
-Numerous drunk photos of you and 24859302 other people, labelled things like 'Good times at Moron Central Nightclub', and 'Even more good times and Slutty McSlut bar'. No one is interested! No one!!!! And who on earth has a decent drunk photo that they actuall want displayed on the Internet, I ask you?
-Anything vaguely related to the most stupid, pretentious Facebook service of all:'Rate your friends'. Whoever invented that thing needs to be hunted down and lynched. Strung up in the stocks and have rotten tomatoes and stale bread thrown at them until they choke on it. Because Rate Your Friends actually encourages you to break up friendships, and diss (did I just say diss? I need to click my fingers and say 'Geeeerlfriiiiend' now) other people in your network. Anyway, and perhaps I am a little bitter because I consistently got voted 'Most Studious', but y'know what, fuck you Facebook!!! If you don't have anything better to do than ranking your friends, you need to get out, get some real friends, and step away from your computer. So help you Goddess.
This list will be added to, but all in good time, my sweets!
-Anything sparkly, pink, fluro or flashing. Funnily enough, I don't enjoy having my eyes burned out every time I want to view your page. And also, you're not interesting enough that I will continue to do so, over and over and over and over again. No one is that interesting. The only things that these bright, obnoxious colours say about you is that you are an attention seeking whore. I wouldn't talk to you in public if you were wearing said colours, why would I put myself through the pain over the Internet?
-Numerous drunk photos of you and 24859302 other people, labelled things like 'Good times at Moron Central Nightclub', and 'Even more good times and Slutty McSlut bar'. No one is interested! No one!!!! And who on earth has a decent drunk photo that they actuall want displayed on the Internet, I ask you?
-Anything vaguely related to the most stupid, pretentious Facebook service of all:'Rate your friends'. Whoever invented that thing needs to be hunted down and lynched. Strung up in the stocks and have rotten tomatoes and stale bread thrown at them until they choke on it. Because Rate Your Friends actually encourages you to break up friendships, and diss (did I just say diss? I need to click my fingers and say 'Geeeerlfriiiiend' now) other people in your network. Anyway, and perhaps I am a little bitter because I consistently got voted 'Most Studious', but y'know what, fuck you Facebook!!! If you don't have anything better to do than ranking your friends, you need to get out, get some real friends, and step away from your computer. So help you Goddess.
This list will be added to, but all in good time, my sweets!
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